Missing the Brighton Nights

I am feeling rather sad today because all my friends who are still at uni are posting their photos on Facebook of what looked like a fantastic Freshers Ball. At Sussex Uni, the actual ball is simply a precursor to the amazing, my-favourite-ever-annual-event (excluding Christmas) 'rave in the woods' behind Sussex Uni.

Run by travelling pikeys (may not be politically correct, but that's how one described himself to me when I was nearly savaged by his three-legged dog, an experience I felt was deeply lacking in originality and conforming to the pikey/gypsy stereotype in a rather dull way), it begins at 11pm and goes on until about 11am the next day, with a huge sound system, bonfires, fire poi, mad dancing and a trek across the field to reach the event that is lit only by the faint light of hundreds of people's phones as they attempt to climb a 3 bar gate and stile in complete darkness, aided and abetted by an interesting combination of drugs and alcohol.

This is exactly my kind of event, involving, as it does, dancing, loud music, outdoor drinking, dancing on a small hillock as the sun comes up, meeting enourmous amounts of people under trees in various states of inebriation and not being entirely sure where you know them from when you see them again and the propensity to 'accidentally' stumble into someone you quite fancy. Of course, there is the downside of not ever being able to find the person you fancy because of the amount of people there/complete lack of light/conviction that there are giant luminous rabbits in the trees and also the large amount of mud and bruises from falling over, but these downsides can be easily overlooked. In the years that I attended the rave, I made several lifelong friendships and perfected the art of accidental stumbling.

Now, I am no longer in Brighton, and the rave still continues (obviously I didn't expect it to stop just because I was no longer there to fall off the top of the three bar gate with an embarrassingly loud scream that was instantly muffled by an equally audible squelching noise as the mud claimed another victim) (you'd think after the first time, I'd learn. Pigeons learn faster than me). I am in Guernsey, which is sorely lacking in outdoor events. I am in a serious relationship, and while I am very happy, I feel nostalgic for some accidental stumbling in the dark. While I have a life I am happy with, on days like these I seem to get ambushed by a feeling, which I can only describe as, 'Is this all there is?'

While there are many things I don't miss about being a student (begging the bank for an overdraft extension, the constant ache of missing my boyfriend, buying tins without labels when my money ran out and realising that the tin of tomatoes I had hoped for was actually a tin of stewed pears, which doesn't go so well with pasta and plastic cheese), there are many more that I do. While I don't particularly miss modelling, it seems sad that I don't have the opportunity to do it over here if I wanted to. I miss the live music and gigs, the pier, Concorde II, The Volks, the Laines, the shops, the pubs (especially The Mash Tun, World's End, The Gladstone, The Fishbowl and The Fortune of War), the wide range of people and the random events that constantly used to happen to me. There, anything could - and did - happen. There, my life was ungoverned by anything, here I feel like my path is mapped out ahead of me.

I'm sorry to be melancholy, especially as I have a huge amount to be thankful for, and I'm also a little afraid that now I've said my life is mapped out, I am going to be hit by a huge and hideous surprise. Feel free to share experiences of leaving uni, and cross your fingers that the next time I blog, I won't be describing the experience of being attacked by a huge bear/llama hybrid as punishment for moaning about my life.

In other news, I am loving listopia.co.uk. I have also been musing on buttering the back of one, or both, of my kittens, to see if the rule about toast always landing butter side down and cats always landing on their feet holds true when combined.

Yours, with gratuitous melancholy and nostalgia,
Fishwife

Update: I have just tried the new McCoys Winter Warmer flavour of Lamb and Mint. It is quite nice, but has a tad more mintiness than I would normally consider ideal in a crisp. Tomorrow: steak and ale pie flavour.